The temp is too damn high!

No seriously.  Through the month of July you crazy retarded bastards have been walking in 110+ degree weather in some cases.  You are truly retarded.  You may have even tried to do your walks/runs at 10PM that night, only to find it's hotter outside than it is in an oven (that one was for my Jewish followers!).

What is a dedicated retard like yourself to do?

I'll tell you what to do!  You can go in the early mornings for one.  The temps are significantly cooler given the fact it's been dark and temps are consistently dropping throughout the night.  If you're lucky, it's only 85 at 6 in the goddamned morning.

Not a morning person?  Think about it...  You're only going to be gone for a half and hour or so at a time.  Take a cold damp washcloth and put it your skull.  "But my hair will get wet..."  Fucking seriously?  You're not showering afterwards?  No taint teasing for you later.  "But the water will drip down my back and it will be cold..." I will rape you a rake.  Your body should be dripping with sweat.  "But..."  You're making excuses.  DON'T DO THAT!

Today is your midrun.  It's not the lowrun (M, Th, Sat), it's not your bigrun (Sun).  You're going to go a distance comfortably between the two.  Pay attention because this terminology is going to stick.  Memorize it, faggots!  35 minutes in a combination of running and walking.  Remember to push through any feelings of tiredness.  You can rest when your dead!  ...after I tap that ass with my rake.

Kill yourself: Part 1

Hope your weekend was awesome.  I need to restructure my posts.  You assholes stopped coming.

In other news Amy Winehouse is dead...   I'll just let that soak in...

...

We good?

I'm going to tell you what you're doing for the first half of the week.  Right fucking now.  We're going to change gears.  Your feet hurt from walking for so long, right?  Time to kick it up a notch...sort of.  You're now going to run AND walk for your times this week.  Here's the poop:

Monday: FUCKING REST!
Tuesday: fucking run/walk for 25 minutes!
Wednesday: 35 minutes, same fucking thing!
Thursday: 25 fucking minutes!
FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY: kick back with a gin and tonic.

I'll write something more inspiring later, fucktards...