Surprise!!!

It's not the kind of surprise where a pair of perky titties jump out of a cake.  No, this is like a shit sandwich.  Or, for you running tards who are really getting into the swing of things, a milestone.

If you've never run a 5K before, now is your chance.  This Sunday, at a time of your choosing, you are going to run 3.1 miles.  Best part?  You don't get a medal for it.  You're not running for cystic fibrosis or lupus or AIDS or explosive West Nile with a side of SARS.  So what do you do to celebrate your accomplishment?

You should ALWAYS have something encouraging at the end of a triumph, even if you've done it 9 times before.  Me?  I have a fruit infused beer.  Before you call me a fag, it's like wine, champagne, and beer mixed into one epic drink...and it costs $14 per bottle.  But, I earned it, so fuck you as I say with a giant 7-incher in my gob!  What should you do?  Smoke a nice thick stogie, get a blow job (or the female equivalent) and just sit there, have a craft beer, grill a huge fucking t-bone and be sure to cook it no more done than medium-rare, go to the tittie bar and make it rain.  Celebrate in a way to make it special for YOU.  It's your fucking accomplishment and don't pussy foot around.  Live.  It.  Up.

Schedule: In case you need a reminder you addle-minded simpletons, Friday: REST
Saturday: 25 minute run/walk
Sunday: 3.1 miles - I don't care how you do it, just finish!

Next week it's nothing but distance!

Two last things for a final thought: how the fuck do you track 3.1 miles without equipment?  Google maps + Google labs (the gear looking thing in the top right corner) + Distance Measurement Tool.  Lay it out to 3.1 and go do it.  Final thought?  Go fuck yourself and congratulations, you mongoloid bastards.